To Tame a Capitalist

This post is brought to you by all-purpose interjection кошмар (cosh-MAR), meaning “what a nightmare!” (This word is wonderful because it can be used in almost any situation demanding an expression of intense emotion. Examples: You got into an auto accident because a suicidal chicken crossed the road in front of you. Кошмар! You and a horde of people are trying to get onto an escalator and you can’t breathe because of the pressure. Кошмар! You forgot to buy cookies at the store. Кошмар!!!)

Let’s play a round of what-if. Imagine yourself standing in line at your local Kroger’s/Albertson’s/Wal-Mart equivalent. You are buying Twinkies. The box costs $3.89, but all you happen to have on you is a $100 bill. You go up to the register, hand her your Benjamin and receive your change, possibly with a raised eyebrow, but without much fuss. You then leave (with your precious Twinkies in a plastic bag) and go home to enjoy the heart-healthy, cream-filled food of the gods.

Now, imagine yourself in Russia, at a chain market called Produkti. You are there to buy a bottle of water, a packet of cookies and some chocolate. Altogether, it will cost you 117 rubles. All you have is a 500 ruble note. You go up to the cashier, hand her your bill, and she asks if you have either 7 or 17 rubles, so she doesn’t have to try so hard to make change. If you do, you escape with only minor disapproval. If you don’t, she hands you your 383 rubles in an obviously irritated fashion. God help you if you have a 1,000 ruble note.

Russians don’t like dealing with change of either the kopeck OR ruble persuasion. Some places, like big supermarkets or fancier stores, will break your large bills without too much hassle (though they may ask you to round out the change to even bills). Most everywhere else in my experience either loathes you if you try to hand them a large bill, or will simply refuse your business if you can’t provide close to exact change.

Russian cashiers have trained me to think of their convenience when making purchases. It’s to the point where I will buy something extra, occasionally, just so that they don’t have to make change. (Mostly, this happens in Smolny’s cafeteria, because the lady there practically yells at you if you attempt to give her a 500.)

The difference in mentality between American and Russian places of business is this: in America, the store is there to serve you; in Russia, you are there to take advantage of the store’s resources, and are thus expected to cater to them somewhat. Dealing with Russian “customer service” certainly takes some getting used to…As a caveat, I have to say that not all places have surly customer service, and some are almost as nice as they are in America. Those places are definitely not the norm, however. (I’m sure a big reason is that Russians don’t smile like Americans do, so the friendly atmosphere at restaurants and stores doesn’t really exist out here. I would characterize the majority of good customer service in Russia as very polite, rather than friendly.

Therefore, when making your travel plans to St. Petersburg, be sure to exchange your dollars in for rubles in denominations of 100s, 50s and 10s. Then, you will have a much smaller chance of having a Produkti lady tell you to take a hike when you hand over a 1,000 for a 42-ruble Pepsi.

Oh, and the reason this blog post was brought to you by the word кошмар is that I have a 5,000-ruble bill I need to break. Pray for me.

Katya.